I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
