i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
