Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
