I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
