why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
