Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize