i think i have herpe
just one?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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