just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
