Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
