Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
