It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
