how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We had to coat check the pizza.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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