They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
