About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
