Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have fence marks all over my body
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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