C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
