I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
