Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
