God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
