worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
