Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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