Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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