hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize