He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
