Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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