if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
