The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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