It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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