Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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