I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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