U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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