Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
