Found your dick twin last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
