i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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