I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
