Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
