Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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