dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You did what with his pubic hair?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize