He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
