i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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