Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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