wat bout pragnant strippers??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
