I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
