Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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