Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
