it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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