the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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