Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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