She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
