you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
