dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
