Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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