ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize