I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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