Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
