we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
