Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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