I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
