I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
