Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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