She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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