Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
