yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
