What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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