i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
