those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
