mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
