She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
50% drunk capacity currently
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
