hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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